Musing: Become the Change You want to Be...

I read this phrase the other day: Become the change you want to be.

The first thing that went through my mind? Easier said than done! I mean, we all have dreams of the lifestyle we want. Many of us even take steps to get that lifestyle, encouraged by all the success stories we read. But the reality is that our dreams don't come easy. In fact another saying to comes to mind: If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans! Meaning we can't control everything in our lives, so we have to be prepared for everything and open to anything.

I remember striving to become a fully qualified-certificate-waving Solicitor. I pushed hard! I mean really hard - for years. Then one day, I was sitting in my studio apartment, jobless, trying to work out my next move but my mind remained blank. I had a set of paint brushes and loads of unopened paint stored in my cupboard. Materials I was storing up for a rainy day - a day when I felt brave enough to paint again. Well that day came. Partly because I had nothing else to do. Mainly because I wanted to express how I was feeling since tears and worry couldn't satisfy my soul. That's when I painted Erykah. I thought about painting someone bawling and full of despair. But instead I painted an image of femininity, determination, solitude, tainted, but still dreaming.

It made me smile, and life seemed to kick-start again. Creating Erykah was a revolutionary moment. It gave me the boast to believe in myself again and I kept applying for legal jobs in media - my dream role at the time. About a week later, I landed my first role - a job with Island Records - and life continued on from there. I'm still not fully-qualified. It leaves me with a bitter-sweet feeling to be honest. But I've came to realisation that whether or not I was fully-qualified, I am a good lawyer, I will always do that role passionately but it doesn't define me.

So here I am preparing for the birth of our first child (just over two weeks to go!!!) and trying to navigate through a jumbled map of my future: Will I be able to continue my art & design business full-time? -Nar, not at the moment. So what legal role should I go for? How often will I be able to create once Baba arrives? How can I involve more socially conscious work into my life? What materials will I use? Will relocating back to the UK hinder or help my creativity? What would life be like a year from now... Who knows! But I hope it's beautiful.